Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive
Find the video yourself, I can't be bothered
Whenever I hear this song I think of men with moustaches in leather pants dancing with one another in a promiscuous way in early '80's San Francisco. That's a touch weird because I've never been to San Francisco, nor was I really sentient in the early '80s (having been born in '79). It's not a negative image, but I don't think it's really my scene. Which is not why I hate this song.
Instead, I hate this song for many different reasons. One is because it's shit. Another is because it's a karaoke staple and I despise karaoke. A third reason is because it's disco and I just can't bring myself to like disco. I don't even like the monotone-voiced Cake cover of it, and I like Cake. It's just a song that I hate, for good reason or not. Which is why I'm going to say that this is second only to Dusty Springfield in the worst songs I've listened to on this list and stop there.
Verdict: They did a lot of drugs in the disco era, which probably explains the music.
Tomorrow: Fleetwood Mac - Rhiannon
Showing posts with label Awful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Awful. Show all posts
Monday, March 2, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
You shouldn't have to listen to this
Dusty Springfied - You Don't Have To Say You Love Me
video, if you can be bothered to watch it
Good lord, is this the kind of dross they passed off as good music in the bad old days? Maybe I'm having a bad day, but this is terrible. I'm waiting for the obligatory verse sung in French to complete the picture. I can't listen to this anymore.
I'm staggered that this made the list. It starts with a french horn for the sake of all that is good and holy. That shouldn't be allowed unless Phil Spector is in charge. I can't even drag myself to research it. It's too awful.
Verdict: Kill. Me. Now... Please.
Tomorrow: Rolling Stone - Brown Sugar
Normal service resumes ASAP.
video, if you can be bothered to watch it
Good lord, is this the kind of dross they passed off as good music in the bad old days? Maybe I'm having a bad day, but this is terrible. I'm waiting for the obligatory verse sung in French to complete the picture. I can't listen to this anymore.
I'm staggered that this made the list. It starts with a french horn for the sake of all that is good and holy. That shouldn't be allowed unless Phil Spector is in charge. I can't even drag myself to research it. It's too awful.
Verdict: Kill. Me. Now... Please.
Tomorrow: Rolling Stone - Brown Sugar
Normal service resumes ASAP.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Desperate for it to end
The Eagles - Desperado
It may be considered a mark of success to be covered by 'Weird' Al Yankovic, as this song was (as Avocado). To be brief, this song was written by the Eagles' brains trust of Glenn Frey and Don Henley, was never released as a single, but still managed to become a live favourite and has been covered by half of christianity (but never by Yusuf Islam, meaning that the middle east market has been sadly unexploited). And it's absolutely rubbish. It sounds like Blue Valentines-era Tom Waits covered by a toothless hick, drunk on cheap bourbon, warbling on about the lonely spiritualism of an outlaw (in a bad way). Henley even rejected the cod cowboy-mysticalism of the song and it's eponymous album, saying that "'In retrospect, I admit the whole cowboy-outlaw-rocker myth was a bit bogus,' Henley said in 1987. 'I don't think we really believed it; we were just trying to make an analogy.'" (Rolling Stone).
I must be missing something, because I couldn't listen to it the whole way through, despite trying a few times. And yet, it's had the stamp of greatness bestowed upon it by Johnny Cash, who covered it on American IV: The Man Comes Around, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, on Love Their Country, and Tori Amos (Who must have been high). It's also been covered by George Michael, Westlife, Linda Ronstadt and on American Idol. Maybe I'm not missing anything after all.
In short, this song is as bad as More Than A Feeling, our previous Worst Song Yet award holder, but it's not even as catchy. It's just.. completely arbitrary. Putting it above Shop Around is an insult to music everywhere. I can't even carry on writing about it.
Verdict: Absolute rubbish
Tomorrow: Then He Kissed Me - The Crystals
It may be considered a mark of success to be covered by 'Weird' Al Yankovic, as this song was (as Avocado). To be brief, this song was written by the Eagles' brains trust of Glenn Frey and Don Henley, was never released as a single, but still managed to become a live favourite and has been covered by half of christianity (but never by Yusuf Islam, meaning that the middle east market has been sadly unexploited). And it's absolutely rubbish. It sounds like Blue Valentines-era Tom Waits covered by a toothless hick, drunk on cheap bourbon, warbling on about the lonely spiritualism of an outlaw (in a bad way). Henley even rejected the cod cowboy-mysticalism of the song and it's eponymous album, saying that "'In retrospect, I admit the whole cowboy-outlaw-rocker myth was a bit bogus,' Henley said in 1987. 'I don't think we really believed it; we were just trying to make an analogy.'" (Rolling Stone).
I must be missing something, because I couldn't listen to it the whole way through, despite trying a few times. And yet, it's had the stamp of greatness bestowed upon it by Johnny Cash, who covered it on American IV: The Man Comes Around, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, on Love Their Country, and Tori Amos (Who must have been high). It's also been covered by George Michael, Westlife, Linda Ronstadt and on American Idol. Maybe I'm not missing anything after all.
In short, this song is as bad as More Than A Feeling, our previous Worst Song Yet award holder, but it's not even as catchy. It's just.. completely arbitrary. Putting it above Shop Around is an insult to music everywhere. I can't even carry on writing about it.
Verdict: Absolute rubbish
Tomorrow: Then He Kissed Me - The Crystals
Monday, February 9, 2009
More than a feeling of nausea
Boston - More Than a Feeling
We kick off the review of the 500 greatest songs of all time with Boston's More Than a Feeling, a song which I feel should come somewhat lower on the list, preferably somewhere in the region of 5 - 6000. Rolling Stone motivate for the track's inclusion by saying that "Inspired by the heart-tugging mood of the Left Banke's 'Walk Away Renee,' Polaroid engineer Scholz tinkered with this anthem for five years in his basement studio. Driven by an epochal riff and Brad Delp's skyscraper vocals, 'Feeling' helped Boston sell more than 17 million copies -- and inspired the riff for Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit.'"
This song conjures up two feelings within me. One of which is memories of watching Adam Sandler movies, although I think he actually idolises Kansas rather than Boston. While I quite like some of his movies, I could never understand why he would like music loved only by meatheads and accountants with moustaches thinking that they were being badass for loving Rock 'n' Roll, despite their mothers warning them against it.
The other feeling is one of nausea. Mainly due to the horribly polished production and castrato vocals. 5 years of tinkering? If 15 minutes is good enough for Black Flag and hell, I'd bet that Operation Ivy viewed that as extravagant, how on earth do you spend 5 years on a song. That fact alone, notwithstanding the guitar solo defines this song as a feat of massive, masturbatory self-indulgence.
Basically this song's legacy is that it inspired Smells Like Teen Spirit. It was also covered by South African metal band Agro and N*Sync, which is probably something Tom Scholz is particularly proud of, far more so than the zillions of dollars in advertising and licensing revenues that this song must have raked in, through profligate use in beer and car commercials and shitty movies. More Than a Feeling's album (Boston) sold 16 million copies - not bad scratch for an engineer who should have stuck to engineering.
Oh, the song. Back to the song. It's pretty standard: Verse-Chorus, Verse-Chorus, Bridge, Verse-Chorus (compound AABA) in D Major, with the bridge in G Major. AABA was a popular form in the 50s and 60s, before the verse-chorus form became a la mode. Tom Scholz's guitar solo is harmonised dross, with a pick harmonic that would make Dimebag Darrel from Pantera posthumously recant his use thereof. That said, the song would probably be of value played continuously to keep dogs off your lawn, thanks to Brad Delp's "skyscraper" (read man-child castrato) vocals.
If you think I'm being uncharitable, this album has been hailed for being a landmark in terms of production values, arena rock and power-ballads, neither of which are characteristics of bands that I love. It just .. leaves me cold. It makes me think of a weeping audience holding lit cigarette lighters in the air while Tom Scholz improvises on the guitar solo for 20 minutes. And for that reason I'm glad that arena rock and power ballads are dead.
Edit: Bugger, it's still stuck in my bloody head, 3 hours later.
Taxonomy: Masturbatory power-ballad
Tomorrow: The Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy
We kick off the review of the 500 greatest songs of all time with Boston's More Than a Feeling, a song which I feel should come somewhat lower on the list, preferably somewhere in the region of 5 - 6000. Rolling Stone motivate for the track's inclusion by saying that "Inspired by the heart-tugging mood of the Left Banke's 'Walk Away Renee,' Polaroid engineer Scholz tinkered with this anthem for five years in his basement studio. Driven by an epochal riff and Brad Delp's skyscraper vocals, 'Feeling' helped Boston sell more than 17 million copies -- and inspired the riff for Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit.'"
This song conjures up two feelings within me. One of which is memories of watching Adam Sandler movies, although I think he actually idolises Kansas rather than Boston. While I quite like some of his movies, I could never understand why he would like music loved only by meatheads and accountants with moustaches thinking that they were being badass for loving Rock 'n' Roll, despite their mothers warning them against it.
The other feeling is one of nausea. Mainly due to the horribly polished production and castrato vocals. 5 years of tinkering? If 15 minutes is good enough for Black Flag and hell, I'd bet that Operation Ivy viewed that as extravagant, how on earth do you spend 5 years on a song. That fact alone, notwithstanding the guitar solo defines this song as a feat of massive, masturbatory self-indulgence.
Basically this song's legacy is that it inspired Smells Like Teen Spirit. It was also covered by South African metal band Agro and N*Sync, which is probably something Tom Scholz is particularly proud of, far more so than the zillions of dollars in advertising and licensing revenues that this song must have raked in, through profligate use in beer and car commercials and shitty movies. More Than a Feeling's album (Boston) sold 16 million copies - not bad scratch for an engineer who should have stuck to engineering.
Oh, the song. Back to the song. It's pretty standard: Verse-Chorus, Verse-Chorus, Bridge, Verse-Chorus (compound AABA) in D Major, with the bridge in G Major. AABA was a popular form in the 50s and 60s, before the verse-chorus form became a la mode. Tom Scholz's guitar solo is harmonised dross, with a pick harmonic that would make Dimebag Darrel from Pantera posthumously recant his use thereof. That said, the song would probably be of value played continuously to keep dogs off your lawn, thanks to Brad Delp's "skyscraper" (read man-child castrato) vocals.
If you think I'm being uncharitable, this album has been hailed for being a landmark in terms of production values, arena rock and power-ballads, neither of which are characteristics of bands that I love. It just .. leaves me cold. It makes me think of a weeping audience holding lit cigarette lighters in the air while Tom Scholz improvises on the guitar solo for 20 minutes. And for that reason I'm glad that arena rock and power ballads are dead.
Edit: Bugger, it's still stuck in my bloody head, 3 hours later.
Taxonomy: Masturbatory power-ballad
Tomorrow: The Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy
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