This song is awful. It's not even about Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley and rock and rolling all night and partying every day. It's all cheap drum machines, casio keyboards and falsetto mincing. I'm sure that it appeals to a certain part of the population, normally those wearing moustaches, assless leather chaps and string vests, but it's not for me. I couldn't even listen the whole way through, despite what may have actually been some clever-ish lyrics. It made me want to listen to Black Sabbath so loudly that people in neighbouring towns complained, just the flush the song from my mind.
That said, it raises an interesting question - Prince is a bit of a nutter, is this song redeemable due based on what may be a good score on the Rock Nutter Scale (tm)? Let's see.
Name?
Well, his first name actually is Prince. But Prince isn't actually his real name anymore. His real name is something along the lines of % or ^ or & or # as part of his 'emancipation' from the record labels. Chalk up one point for squiggle, but I'm contemplating minusing a point for being a pretentious douche and requiring 'emancipation' from a life of millions of dollars and many, many women. If it comes to it, I'm willing to take his place. God knows I'm not going to change my name to ? or > or whatever and write 'slave' on my face, I'll handle it with dignity and savoir faire.
Drug use?
None that is known. No points there. A rock star that doesn't do drugs? Keith and Iggy would be spinning in their graves, were it not for the fact that they have clearly been provided with magic powers from injecting heroin into their eyeballs. Doctors everywhere, take note (kids, don't try that at home).
Unstable behaviour?
If his career is not a testament to years of hard drug use, then it certainly is a testament to seriously unstable behaviour. He is also a vegan Jehovah's Witness, which stacks up pretty high on the weirdo scale. See also desire to be 'emancipated' from his terrible life of 'slavery'. He should change his name to Kunta Kinte (I'm sure most people already refer to his as a variation of the first bit) and be done with it. Plus squiggle has allegedly bedded Magic Johnson amounts of women, so we'll give him the point.
History of arrests?
Again, none known. However, where's there's no smoke, there's no fire. FAIL!
Suitably weird upbringing?
Not really. No points.
So while he may be a nutter, he's not a Nutter. The song is not redeemed. And it was covered by Art of Noise and Tom Jones, further besmirching any claim to this being a good song.
Verdict: Clown Prince
Tomorrow: The Chiffons - One Fine Day
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