Frodo, Don't Wear The Ring

Led Zeppelin - Ramble On



Confession time: I hate The Lord of the Rings trilogy. There, I said it. It bores me to tears. I've read it twice. Once I even liked it. And I hated the movies, I couldn't stay awake through them. Every time I hear words like "hobbit" or "Baggins", I have to fight back an involuntary gag reflex.

More on that later, however.

Led Zeppelin are, of course, the source of some of the truly great rock songs of all time (as well as Stairway to Heaven), true rock nutters and performers of the absolute highest order. Stories of their nutterdom are legendary and everyone's heard Whole Lotta Love or Kashmir. That should make them and, by extension, their songs cool. Right? Right?

Wrong. So very wrong. Ramble On starts off all Led Zep-y - sunny, open chords courtesy of famed groupie bedpost-notcher Jimmy Page, a legato bassline courtesy of some old bearded guy, and inconspicuous percussion courtesy of John Bonham, a man who was clearly in a Rock Drummer Nutter competition with Keith Moon from The Who. Robert Plant's Wailing, slightly mournful vocals start the downward slide, which continues until the first chorus. The first chorus is classic Led Zeppelin - propulsive drumming; taut, powerful guitar; thumping bass and Plant's plaintive howls.

It's great. Most of the song is great, in fact.

Musically, it all amazingness and awesomeness - Page's guitar work is continually inventive and serves almost as a second vocalist, a musical counterpoint to Page's vocal lines - at times providing sweet relief and at times building tension. The rhythm section is tight, cohesive and serves the twin masters of the song (Page and Plant) perfectly, while never being understated. Unfortunately, the song moves into gag reflex territory when Plant starts singing about Mordor and Gollum and basically going all hobbit on us. This is pretty indicative of Led Zeppelin's quality - when they're doing the bluesy thing, they're phenomenal; when Page uses a little licence with the lyrics (a la Stairway to Heaven) they sound cod-folky, indulgent and, well, crap.

Does their headline contribution to rock nutterdom redeem them? Not in this instance. The hobbit crap just ruins it for me. Put together a venn diagram of rock and roll and hobbits, orcs and the like, and should look like an 8. Basically, as a result of this song, Led Zeppelin are solely responsible for Ronnie James Dio and the rest of the hobbits- and dragon-metal bullshit that crawled out of some godforsaken swamp later. And that is something I can't get over..

Verdict: Ramble off

Tomorrow: Gladys Night and the Pips - Midnight Train to Georgia